The Fallout after a Big Day

You may have noticed my radio silence yesterday – you see, we spent the day at a wedding!

This wasn’t just any wedding, it was a wedding with Bryan’s family… his sister Louise got married to her partner Paul. Oh and it was a LOVELY day. I loved the venue, the decorations, the food, and even the people. While I chose not to drink, due to seeing the severe detrimental effects of alcohol on people I care about, it really didn’t bother me that everyone was merry. It was a good laugh and, although I was knackered, we had a wonderful time and I’m so happy that the family included me in such a special event. Also – I GOT A SELFIE WITH BRYAN WHERE HE DIDN’T PULL A RIDICULOUS FACE!

Something I don’t talk about much is my struggle with my mental health. It’s always been a challenge, like the electrical hum in the background when all the appliances are turned off but still plugged in. Over the past year since ‘the big op’ I’ve struggled to keep it quiet, but pills helped for a while. Now, I manage it with daily propranolol (pill shame me all you like, I don’t even care!) and just taking it easy. Not pushing too hard, etc. And usually I succeed.

I thought I’d succeeded yesterday, but the fallout I’m dealing with today would suggest otherwise. I’m in pain (which I absolutely expected without a doubt)… but I’m absolutely exhausted emotionally. I just want to cry, sleep, and curl up in a ball away from the world. My anxiety levels are absolutely maxed, I can’t concentrate for more than a couple of minutes… This blog has taken me hours to write.

So, what I want to say today, to all you people out there who are struggling when you read this – we are going to be OK. People can like us, or they can’t. We can please them, or we can’t. When did we start caring so much about what the people think? Tomorrow is a better day. A fresh chance at a good day. I leave you with this simple poem I found a few years ago. It might be nothing but four simple sentences, but I draw great comfort from it on my worst days. You can do it. Honest.

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