You may have followed my blog for the past 12 days, or you may be just joining for the first time today. Welcome, or welcome back!
Either way, a quick look at the last six days and you’ll see I’ve barely stopped all week, whether it has been taking Jack out, or running errands, or just catching up on the housework while I’ve had the energy. It’s been intense. I’ve also finally hit my wall.
It began Wednesday, on the way back from the farm. The headache, just a small one. Then the aura. Then the migraine kicked in and OH MY GOD did it hit. I’m just grateful I wasn’t the one driving or we would likely have ended up in a bush. I felt so so sick and when we got home, I crawled into bed, put on my Luna Lovegood eye mask, set my lovely Bluetooth headphones to a very low volume (but high enough to block out background noise), and I took a sickness pill before burying myself under the covers. I napped at one point, but it got so severe I Googled my symptoms (which I HATE) and it basically told me I was already dead. I’m so grateful for Bryan, because I couldn’t even look after myself, much less keep up with Jack.
Thursday was much more restful, and I got my nails done by the lovely Miss Murray’s Marvellous Manicures. Jack was up high, but we got through it, and my nails are fabulous! Friday, I had appointments booked for my lashes and brows. I go to my sister’s salon, Lashloft, in Gosforth; 1) because it’s my baby sister’s business, and 2) because they are the best around. I’m proud to say shes my family. But Jack wouldn’t have coped so he went to grandma’s for a while. He was absolutely maxed out with his autistic traits – he was wearing sunglasses indoors, wrapping himself tightly in a blanket, and unable to follow instructions. Trying to get through the day when he wouldn’t do as he was told, wouldn’t listen, and generally was a disagreeable pain in the ass was like riding a bike but the bike is on fire and the road is on fire and everything’s on fire because you’re in hell. But I can’t ride a bike (even a metaphorical one) because of my hip, so it was a total disaster.
I spent most of Thursday and half of Friday while he was ‘on one’ telling myself “just one more day, just 12 hours, just 2 hours” etc because I was exhausted.
He left at 4pm yesterday, and while I’ve had a lovely day out with Auntie Mary followed by a cuppa with mother, I MISS HIM SO DAMN MUCH.
Even on his worst day, when everything is bad and its been a shouty tearful kinda day, he comes to bed with me at 7pm, we have a cuddle and a chat, and he goes to his bed after a short while. *palmface*
When I am away from Jack, I don’t often talk about him, and I try not to think too much about him. I know he is safe and I know he is well, but worrying about him just makes me stressed. He’s my partner in crime, my sidekick, my right hand….all the cliches. Without him, I’m incomplete.
Tomorrow is Bryan’s sister’s wedding and it’ll be wonderful – and I won’t be upset that Jack isn’t there, because he would have struggled, and so even if he was not at his dad’s, he would be at grandma’s house. But I will instead be grateful that it will be one day less before I see him again. And ‘just back from daddy’s house’ cuddles are the best!!